musings..ramblings..whatever..

ahh been sooo long since i last did this (n i say this every time i blog..lol)..wish i had some really awesome pearls of wisdom to share or a gr8 opinion on some topic of hot debate of recent times..demo yappari atashi nanka muri..zettai dekinai..which reminds me, its also been sooo long since i had random awkward jap chats with fellow jap-crazed ppl..left almost all the forums i used to frequent..only keep in touch thru MAL n that too only when i update the list of whatever i watch these days..which also will continue only till a few months more at max..and then would be sayonara to my alter-ego on these sites..ahhh makes me feel really sad to be parting with my love of so many years..dunno how i'll survive without my daily yaoi fixes (i almost die every vacation..its a real sight to see me tearing into them once m back from hols..lol)..and i can't even rant about it to ppl i know coz most would not know what it was about n the ones who have even remotely heard of it would probably never look at me the same way if they found out about my weird cravings..even now i guess its only rava-san who really understands what i feel when i go all @_@ about sasunaru even tho he probably wishes i never bring it up again :P

i read this one liner this morning which totally cracked me up..

"friends share your passions..real friends share your perversions.."

mads, ananya n me had a hearty laugh over it at breakfast this morning..about how we all are such huge perverts..but then it got me to thinking..about how only a small fraction of my "real friends" even know about all my perversions, let alone share them..i guess i am most free amongst the ones here at univ and yes they do understand and share most of my pet pervs..but there are these other few ppl online who know this total other jap-crazed side of me and understand it so much better than anyone here ever could..and them i don't even consider as "real" friends since they don't even know my real name and only know me as some crazy chick (n some might nt even know i'm a girl!) behind a weird profile name..but yes they know way more about certain perversions than anyone i have ever met..so is it weird that my so-called real friends don't know everything about me?..i probably unconsciously n instinctively follow a need-to-know rule among friends..if you brought every one of my friends together n asked them all about me, you'd still end up around 20% short..is that weird??..is everyone else like that too or am i the only one who thinks so much and compartmentalises everyone so that not one person knows me fully??..does that mean i don't trust anyone and hence, i have not really truly accepted anyone as my friend??..or can you even call someone a true friend or, for that matter, a "best friend" (i never could figure out the progression from being a normal/random friend to a good friend to a best friend anyway..but that's another discussion) if that person doesn't even know you fully??

tho i do think i am right in my own way..coz different ppl would react differently..and its not fair to just dump "myself" on certain people who i know would never get me..for example, i know for sure that there are some of my friends who would be scandalised sh*tless if they came to know even 10% about me..then there would be those who would still remain friends, but would probably always wonder if i am secretly an axe murderer or something (n m sure they would be the ones who would not get this joke either!)..and then of course would be the real gr8 ones who would gradually get "converted" by me (a huuge guilt trip for me every time i think of that) and hence come to share at least a few of my perversions..so are they the only "real" friends i have??..hmm..i wonder.....
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ummm..so no i don't actually wonder..but..i needed something to fill this blog so i wrote it anyway..hehe..or actually it just kinda wrote itself..so maybe this means i do wonder..or at least that i wondered for the duration of time it took me to write this..lol..wow i must b really jobless to b wondering about whether i wondered!! :D

well im quite satisfied with how this post turned out..nice n mental..hehe..so toodles for now..n lets hope i get enough material to satisfy enough of my "urges" n "hungers" before i leave the univ for my dreary empty adult life.. ^_^