hometown weddings..

the best weddings are the ones which u return home to attend..of old school friends n neighbours n all..n the worst weddings are the ones which u return home to attend..which has moms of said old school friends n neighbours n all in attendance..not that i dnt like them or anythg..they are perfectly nice ppl..just that..they seem to luv wanting to parade me around like m sum sorta new piece at a museum..n of course with it comes the inevitable "do u recognize meeeee??" frm everyone in terribly pseudo baby tones..like m still 2 yrs old inside n hence have to b addressed as such..then theres the "omg uv grown sooo much"..thats not really surprising is it now??..i mean, if after 5 years, i didnt grow up..then that wud b something to exclaim over!..but worst thing ever??..getting called by ur most embarrassing pet name which u have been trying really hard to make ppl forget about..not just called, more like screeched at from different corners of the room..*shudder*

its actually quite cute in small doses..nice to meet ppl u used to know almost a lifetime ago..nice to reminiscence..nice to listen to funny tidbits about a forgotten childhood..but when i see a veritable drove of aunties descending on me..thats when i get an urge to turn tail and run..

ps: to all the old school frnds who r reading this n thinking m writing about their moms..m kidding..its actually not that bad..n quite fun..

love is..

i remember how i used to read this comic strip which used to come in statesman (wow that was a loooong time ago!) of this cute chubby naked married couple called "love is"..with cutesy one liners about what love is..last night i kinda had a moment like that..

love is..when he tells you "i feel for you like you feel for ham".. >_<

ps: btw this was my 100th post..i agonised for days thinking how i should write an "appropriate" post to commemorate the occasion..lol..n look how it ended up..hehe..

return of the boredom..

yes i am bored..again..i know..story of my life..giant seas of boredom interspaced with tiny land masses of fun..well i am seasick..

got to reading my own blog..yes i am *that* bored..was kinda unsettling to note that most of my posts either start off or end on or at least mention in passing that i am bored..its like its official..on the record..that at least since 2006, i have been bored more or less all the time..but my life kinda rocks as compared to a few others i know..it must suck to be bored AND have a crappy life..at least i don't have that on my plate..still bored tho..

dammit i want a congregation in kol asap!! i know that at least ananya reads this fairly regularly..so plz..set the ball rolling..

ps: do ppl who write pompous blogs actually think in such complicated language or just use such words in their blogs to make them seem more "meaningful"??

blog tweet

so this is wat has been bugging me tonight..well at least a considerable portion of it..

"he's everything you want, he's everything you need
he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be
he says all the right things at exactly the right time
but he means nothing to you and you don't know why.."

fn: vertical horizon - "everything you want"..

ok scratch the 1st two lines..its the last two which r down pat on the point..

ps: yes..i have issues..

pps: i wish ghosty were reading this..she'd understand the real meaning behind it..i guess..

ppps: i love barney (the one from himym n NOT the purple dino!)

pppps: i wanna play the slap bet board game too!!..n wow that was some mental ad..

suddenly sad..

a few hours back..heck like just 15 mins back, i remember being bored..immeasurably bored..trying to find something to occupy my mind..n suddenly now m sad..not depressed..not lonely..not nostalgic..just very very sad about something..weird coz i don't have anything to be sad about really..hmm..

timeline of wake up sid's release..well..not entirely..

at work..bored outta my mind..went blog hunting..greatbong had some amazing stuff as usual..but when my demented laughter started turning a few heads, had to change tracks..landed up on a "mush blog"..that is to say, a typical mushy-wushy poem/prose blog stating in increasingly gory details blow-by-blow accounts of all her relationships starting from when she was a baby!!..but again when my demented laughter rang out after reading a few posts, had to remove myself to more serious pursuits..didnt happen..few more random n boring blogs later chanced upon the following post: "timeline of wake up sids release" ..needless to say my demented laughter made yet another appearance..

i gave up and gave in..no work and all play makes me bored and laugh..dementedly..apparently.. :P

boy boy then..

ps: need tips to commercialise my blog..turning out to be more "dear diary" type than i intended..and i need to be a famous movie star to pull that off commercially..hmm..well whatever..

a girl in the rain..

a chilly night..a little after 11 pm..drizzling quietly..a lone girl is walking down a deserted gariahat getting wetter by the second..the few passersby who are there look on curiously as she continues walking, occasionally smiling to herself or nodding her head to some unknown beat..suddenly a shiny black car stops beside the girl and rolls down the window..inside is a appropriately confused looking young chap..he asks (in very proper cultured english mind you) for directions to salt lake through park circus and the girl duly obliges..as the girl starts walking away, the guy requests to drop her if its on the way..the girl politely refuses n moves forward..the guy (who she notices is actually quite cute) follows n asks again..n again..n just when the girl thinks it's getting annoying, he says something that makes her almost laugh out loud.."don't worry, i'm not gonna kidnap you"..the girl almost turns around to make a sarcastic remark but decides not to humour the guy n walks away..she reaches her bus stop..within a few minutes guess what passes by? the shiny black car! (moving in an entirely different direction to the one she gave the driver to arrive at his destination :P)..a bit more window rolling, polite "no thanks" n "i really *am* safe..trust me" ensues..a few more people start gathering n the guy finally takes the hint n drives away..the girl finally gets on a bus, sits down n bursts out laughing..

is it too sad that one has to be so untrusting that one doesn't recognise genuine "good samaritanism"?? or is it better to always be on your guard??

my moment with lelouch

sitting bored at work
staring into empty space
i looked out the window
and straight into a piercing purple gaze

eyes like burning tourmaline
set in a face pearly white
a striking profile if i ever saw one
made something inside me clench tight

for seconds, minutes or even hours
i stared unblinkingly
till suddenly the ping of my messenger
made me glance away unwittingly

as i looked out again
the man was gone
and in its place i found
the neighbour's dog all alone

suddenly it struck me
why the stranger seemed so familiar
but he couldn't be the real deal
i must be hallucinating, oh dear

for in that split second
or eon i know not which
i had glimpsed lelouch vi britannia
i lie not or throw me in a ditch

a moment with lelouch
is what had made my dreams thrive
but looking at the scene outside my window
at only one conclusion could i arrive

you may laugh in disbelief
or look at me with disdain
but i will never forget the lazy afternoon
my moment with a cosplayer in a calcutta bylane

yes yes i know..horrible..posted on a dare so there! ha ha!

of age and lists..

seems that lately all my friends have suddenly realised that they are ageing!..n since most of my frnds r chronologically younger than me, this situation dusnt exactly make me feel the best..i hav like 21 yr olds talkin abt hitting mid-life crisis fr gods sake!! n here i am, a year from attaining "silver" status, made to feel like a 2 yr old at work..in fact my boss actually likens me to his not-even-2-yr-old-daughter!!! go figure..anyway that probably has something to do with the fact that i behave like a looney at work what with being too bored during the court strike n well - actually being a loony inside..hehe..n coz my brain probably holds lesser legal knowledge than my boss' daughter..well anyhoo..a "heated discussion" about ageing and de-ageing ensued..n how one dusnt grow old really unless one starts "feeling" old mentally..anyway whatever..blah blah..

basically what it all culminated in was the bringing up of our old original "to do before so n so age" lists..my "so and so age" was 25 yrs old incidentally, a point which had kinda slipped my mind..reading through what a relatively naive 18 yr old carefree college kid had thought would be accomplished by the ripe old age of 25 yrs was a revelation..i laughed n laughed at a few of my weird choices..cant blv that even then i had somehow thought that after getting the law degree i would be nearer to becoming a spy (my one true lifelong dream which ruled my imagination till i woke up one morning n realised that i dont live in america, the cold war is over, and that no indian intelligence service comes round for college placements)..n since this was my pre "jap crazy" phase, it contained a few really nostalgic names of guys who had later been overshadowed by the likes of yamapi n oguri shun..then again, a few dreams remain constant to this day..anyway going through them made me go all mushy n nostalgic inside, which was of course made a 100 times worse coz i had no court the next day n was bored mindless and hence had the time and energy left to wallow fully..saved somewhat by sreeni's msgs..nothing like discussing sadism to get outta the dumps eh??..at least distracted me a bit..but then a painfully cheerful 1/2 hour of conversation with et made me feel even worse..its at times like these that i miss having net 24/7..what i wudnt have given for an all-nighter chat with sumone..

hmm..this entry is getting too depressing..which wasnt my initial intention at all..anyway it all got me to thinking that maybe i should pen down my current list so as to let a future me have a laugh one boring day..so here it is..

renewed list of things to do before i turn "old" (in no particular order):

1. earn shitloads of money!!!
2. buy my dream car
3. go to japan and have a crazy affair with a hot japanese guy
4. go to japan and buy a real katana
5. go to japan and visit "ni chome"
6. basically just go to japan and go nuts
7. buy shoes i can only drool over now
8. fall in love (the real deal)
9. watch n read everything in my pending list (impossible i know)
10. buy the island (hehehe)
11. stay in a 7 star hotel for the weekend just because
12. become a successful criminal lawyer
13. defend a badly framed but innocent client and win
14. have annual holidays with ananya, mads n ghosty
15. adopt a daughter
16. attend a real anime convention and behave like a total fangirl (tho too old already i guess)
17. meet up with a few online friends who have become better friends than ppl i see everyday
18. pay back my parents
19. get back to reading books
20. learn how to speak japanese properly

just 20 for now..mostly do-able..lets see how long it takes me to fulfill these..
toodle dee doo!

for want of a title..let not the blog be lost :P

ok so m on a roll here..no i mean literally..egg chicken roll to be precise..only thing is i'm the chicken here..just a weird dream i had last night..or was it a nightmare?? i just remember that i woke up laughing like a hyena coz i didn't go beyond that..not eaten by someone or anything scary..n yeah i was also terribly hungry when i woke up..with a craving for..guess what???.. hmm??.. hmm??.. chinese!! gotcha didn't ya?? u thought i'd say "egg chicken roll" right?? lol..anyhoo..so i've actually downloaded too much n dunno where to start watching..n even tho sum ppl r like "omg m sooo jealous..u have no right to complain"..n yea i guess i dont..but still..i hav sooo many animes to watch now..not to mention all those normal movies n series as well..at least once i get back to kol, i won't be able to say m bored anymore..lol..

n oh! oh! i read this awsum yaoi manga this morning..totally made me go "ahhhhhh"..which was kinda weird coz the maid was cleaning n i had to constantly be aware so that the lappy window was turned away from her view coz of the err..u knw..rampant abundant hot smexing going on :P..anyway this just was a 5 chapter manga but soo made my palms tingle (for ppl who dnt knw..my "palms tingling" means that i absolutely love the whatever it is that set them tingling..its like the epitome of "love" for me)..n then there was "kimi ni todoke", a new airing anime whose 2nd ep just came out yesterday..my palms were kinda sore last night coz of all the tingling that went on what with that anime n all the gintama doujins i read plus hana-kimi (which even tho m re-reading, still gives me the tingles)..

well then i guess thats the story of my life right now..soo much to watch n soo little time..n m scheduled to receive even more in the next few weeks..waahhh!! when will i finish them all!!!!

toodly doo then!!

ps: is it just me or was the jiraiya fight actually this long n complicated in the manga (the part before he enters sennin mode i mean)??..i need to go back n read these chapters n the itachi's death ones too..completely forgot..n again is it just me or did the art n animation get like awsumly better this week too?? O_O

a month of firsts..

september of 2009..an unforgettable month..there was just soo much crammed into these 30 days..has to be the most eventful n most memorable month this year, if not ever..

this was the month i became "deboleena mitra, advocate" instead of just plain "deboleena mitra"..this was the month i started wearing the gown n band n going to court not just as another intern..this was the month when i accepted my first vakalatnama..filing my first case..winning my first case..first time praying for time before a judge n almost choking at the first try coz of nerves..first time getting over the nerves n learning that i have an actual "voice" as opposed to the "squeak" i had made earlier..first time arguing before a judge without a safety net (ergo joy sir) and winning (n my legs were literally shaking the entire time!!)..first time getting squished into 2D in court 5 during the last min puja rush..first time coming back home at night feeling like my legs would fall off but waking up in the morning n going at it again..n the first time getting my actual "khoon paseene ki kamai" :P

also the first time i came to kgp after such a long time n didnt go out to meet a single person..made a few frnds quite mad in the process i guess..the first time in years that we celebrated moms bday with a homemade cake n all..again a first that i m in bengal n havnt gone out to see pujas properly yet..but even so its the first puja that has been so totally n completely fruitful (really properly leeched off the iit lan..n god its more awsum than before!!!!!..lol)

n even tho there r a few days left still (among which will be the first time id meet up with ghosty n not go to hatari!!) which may or may not make it a more memorable month, all in all it was by far the best month of the year!..i just hope it gets better n better frm now on..touchwood.. :P

anyhoo..gotta get back to watching all that iv leeched till now lest i end up with shortage of space XD
toodlio fr now..

girl or woman??

remember that poem we had in one of our english papers in school about whether the poet is a girl or a woman??..not a girl not yet a woman or sumthg like that..the poem goes into all sorts of details abt the behaviour of the poet n her family..her feelings n wat not..very complicated apparently..anyway i was suddenly reminded of this girl-woman dilemma in a bus the other day when while getting off the conductor said sumthg like "bedhe dao..ladies nambe"..n i suddenly realised that i've finally outgrown being referred to as "bachcha"!!! so i guess for me the turning point would be..when a bus conductor for the first time referred to me as "ladeej" instead of "bachcha"..n sadly enuf i dnt even remember the first time that happened..tch tch..

ps: this is wat happens if m sitting bored at work!!!

i want a roomie like hugh jackman..

no seriously one shud really see "sumone like u" for all the awsum hotness of this gorgeous gorgeous hunk of a guy being paraded around in all his half-naked glory..a lottttt!!! (yummmmmmyyyyyyy)..godddddd..its like my ovaries went "doki doki" in there :P..anyhoo..crap movie..or mayb i jst wasnt in the mood..but his presence made up for a lot of it..i soo wish i were in ashley judd's shoes..err..apartment!!

hmmm..cow theories n crap..sumhow now i feel like having sum beef..actually some ham wud do..its been soooo long since i had pork n now that m earning, i gotta save up for stuff like that so its gonna b at least till dec or so that id b able to splurge that much n go "mehhh" abt it..hehe..

oh n ya..i hav this sudden inexplicable urge to make out with sum hot guy at a sidewalk some rainy night or afternoon..weird huh??..so if ur a hot guy walking down the street in cal sumtime tomm n it starts raining n u see this girl walking/driving past u licking her lips n salivating slightly..she's probably me..behaving like the true blue mb hero that i am inside.. :P

toodlie doo!!

happiness..

it was a gorgeous rainy afternoon, if you go for those kinda days..had been pouring all day..really cold..i normally do not like excessively rainy days..just makes me feel all "romantic" (read moody n depressed..hehe)..mostly id feel like staying in, ordering some food and watching fluffy yaoi stuff all day cosy in bed to shake off the bad feeling..but today that was not to be..

on the way back from court, as we were driving past victoria memorial (which btw luks awwwwsummm wen its all wet..especially against the backdrop of a dark grey sky), it suddenly struck me..i was happy..like actually truly happy..lessee..i can now introduce myself as a "practising criminal lawyer of the calcutta high court"..i have just started earning for real..finally started wearing the gown n band in court..can actually be useful..have gotten cases of my own..u knw, like with my name in the vakalatnama..its an amazing feeling..and then there was a really nice song playing on the radio..normally id feel all blue that i was alone n stuff..but not today..maybe it was the impromptu biryani lunch we had (yummmm!!!)..or maybe it was that it just got through to me that things were going right in my life..that the huge gamble i had taken in college was really paying off..a feeling that this is what i was made for..a sense of belonging..

im probably rambling too much..but it was like i had this one moment when it suddenly became dazzlingly clear that this is what my life is gonna be like..as in, all those times when id be thinking n imagining as to what kinda life id have n sumhow it wud feel like my life was always gonna start sumtime in future..i guess it hit me now..this is my life..this is it!..i am a lawyer and i am practising..of course i hav a huuuuge way to go before i actually become any good..but i've started..my life has started..n it was very clear to me right then that i had actually pretty much gotten everything i wanted..im staying alone (which is to say that i go for work in the morning n cum bak at abt 11-11.30 at night, sumhow eat sumthg, finish any pending work n then crash..life is truly too busy to be "alone" really..the only time i even feel like i hav time to miss frnds n all is like a few hours snatched during the weekends if m lucky..i actually truly dunno how ppl manage to hav bfs or get married n stuff while maintaining a life like this..where on earth do u get the time????)..n i hav this amaaaaazziinngg job that i luuuurrrvvv..its an added bonus that my boss n colleagues r totally pally..complete sweethearts with mile long funny bones..hehe..then..i just luv kolkata..i have like the best lappy evah!..plus everyones a foodie in chamber which makes it that much easier for me to hog in front of them..its like i cudnt ask for anything more..except maybe a trip to japan..n thats covered as well if this guy keeps this promise he made a few days back!!

i guess even tho sumtimes i feel a bit sad that my frnds r not in the same city, all the gr8 things that r attached to kolkata would not have happened if id followed the crowd n gone to delhi or mumbai..joyda asked me sumtime back whether i liked college better or work better n was appalled wen i said i preferred work..i guess it is hard to comprehend since i pretty much had a 5-yr vacation back in univ n had probably broken all records for laziness..it would be hard to imagine that i actually wud wanna "work" at all..but then the first day u step inside the court room..its like u can hear a "ding! ding! ding!" going on inside your head telling u that this is the right answer..n thats it..

anyhoo..that was just a bit of a random ramble..spur of the moment thing..as i was thinking it all, i just knew that this wud have to be written..as incomprehensible as it is..

toodles for now..

of media trials and too much scrubs..

it's weird how every time i have some serious work to do, i always feel sleepy and/or bloggy..and it is even more weird that i am sounding just like jd inside my head instead of like me..i can even see "me" as jd inside my head!!!! too much scrubs..too much scrubs!!!!

anyhoo..to get back on point..me and my work..aksar don't do much baatein..sadly enough, that has ended..and i am to write a speech on "trial by media" for a seminar..which is perfectly coolio n all that..really nice topic and i actually know what it means (unlike a certain numbnut in chamber who looked so blankly at me when i said it that it was physically painful not to go and bang his head against some wall..oh the day i get to see his blood and excessive white matter go splat on the walls..ahhh that will be the day)..ahem ahem..getting back again..cool topic except that it has to be original..and that is mighty hard given that i am a trained robot who can ccp and footnote perfectly but chokes when it comes to writing from the heart..tho even that wouldn't be so much of a problem if it had not been for the person who i am writing it for..he's a bloody genius and i am literally shaking in my boots to write something that will actually not make him a laughing stock..so now here i am..researching like i had never researched in college before (and that includes the "research paper" last sem that i researched the hell outta..uhh..not really..but came quite close tho..uhh..not really..never mind..and now i am sounding like a bored cox inside my head..oh puhleeze i need to stop watching scrubs marathons every time i feel the urge to watch something english)..and he actually sits and listens intelligently while i stammer n stutter and tell him about this point and that (ok no..i am actually quite eloquent about it..but inside i am a quiverring mass of jelly!)..and then we sit and intelligently discuss the topic..bounce around some ideas..aaaaaannnndddd i am left with no clue as to how to put it all on paper..it's like he knows everything already..why on earth does he need me to write it all down and give him actual proof that my researching skills equal that of a 12-year old on internet-crack?? (well so ok maybe i'm not thaaaaat bad..but in front of him, 12-year old is actually a compliment!!)

well then, that about sums up my mood..i have like a tonne of really awsome manga i just downloaded..but m stuck with a bit fat book in my hands and a study-induced coma coming along..

toodles.. TT_TT

ps: i get the idea that i put way too much stuff in b/w these () than in the actual topic..and drift off way too much..did that always happen or is it scrubs-induced..hmmm..i wonder..

edit: it's past 1 am now..pepperoni and jap stuff always hit the spot..so do calls from old friends..you just made my night :)

harry potter and the sheer awesomeness of the utter crap that the 6th movie was..

i didnt ever particularly like any of the other potter movies, but my god this just reached new levels of crap!!..even watching the 5th one in hindi was better than this!! (n lemme tell u, that one was sooooo bad i actually cried a lil inside)..considering that the 6th book was pretty damn good and had quite a bit of story in it, the movie on the other hand had absolutely nothing..its actually quite rare to butcher a book this badly..probably even bollywood would have made a better adaptation of it..even when i watched it without any expectations whatsoever, it still managed to disappoint..

disjointed bits and pieces of plot from the book..tied up with random bits of snogging all over the place..n sum fancy effects..n thats about it..no character..no real plot..not dark or sinister like the book kinda hinted at..not even funny..just basically nothing..i actually had to read the book just to get the bad taste out of my mouth..what a complete waste of time..i shudder to think what will be done with the 7th book!!

untitled..??

i love my life!!

ps: honeymoon phase sooooo rules :P

pps: i really need to get back to this..but everytime i think i'll write sumthg, i feel like i dunno where to start..soo much has happened and soo much has changed that i really dunno how i could cram it all in sumhow..or mayb i just shudnt bothr n start afresh..guess that suits the lazy me to a "t".. :P

pps: i miss butchering crappy movies with my frnds..these days its too frustrating to watch good movies sumhow..lol..plus i miss the unique "twist" we wud give to every story (mads n ananya if ur reading this..i really really miss the way we "interpreted" rock on n lagann n all :P)..waaahhhhh!! i miss being lalala with u guys..y oh y rnt v havin our convo in august!!!!!!!!!

pppps: toodles then.. ^__^

holy cow!

"India to launch cow urine as soft drink"

i mean seriously..

O_O

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clicky clicky!!

tatoeba no hanashi

"friends..we were..best friends..even before i knew that i had one..or even wanted one..more like..he was my only friend..i didnt even feel the need to make any more frnds..stupid??..i went to school all day..went out to play in the evenings..there were always ppl there..classmates..neighbours..we laughed..talked..had fun..but not one did i consider as a "friend"..they were just ppl who were there..like props wich come with the set of a play..they werent the actors..and anyway the play hadnt even started yet..it was still at the stage of the dress rehearsal..

the day he was gone..i thot he was late..thats all.."late"..simple..i didnt worry..i never once thot that anything was wrong..or could go wrong..and then suddenly it did go wrong..horribly terribly "wrong"..it wasnt that my worst fears were realised..coz i never even had such a fear in the first place..it was weird..so weird..but..it was fine..i didnt think it really mattered that much..just one person was gone..shudnt make so much of a difference..i think it was then that i realised the mistake of never making "friends"..it was hard starting over again..i didnt want to..i was just too lazy..it was supposed to all happen somehow..naturally..like with him..but it didnt..i didnt look at other ppl n feel the same..i cudnt..i didnt think he had so much in him..i found bits n pieces in other ppl..but never a "whole"..

how do you get over someone??..i never really thought about it..i wudnt need to..n i wudnt want to..n anyway how dus one get over sumone wen theres nthg really to get over..aftr all wat m i supposed to "get over"??..n u cant get over someone who is ur life..who has been with u so much that u didnt even realise that he was a separate being..wen sumone is just there..and then suddenly not there..thats just it..he's not there..thats all..how do u get over that missing piece of ur life??..wen u notice that that sumone is missing..that mad scramble to find him..find anything who would "fit" there..and then finally wen uv made ur peace with it, something reminds u that theres something wich ur forgetting..and ur back again trying to plug in that hole..

i've never "loved" a person..but that was probably the closest i ever got to it..having a world where only one other person is allowed in..something that special..must surely be something like that elusive feeling..and the feeling of being utterly alone when that person is gone..that must be true despair i thought..everything went on as before.."friends" came n went..like pens u use and throw and then buy new ones..just that..he was like a pen which suddenly went out of stock..and no other pen would write as well as that did..u dnt get over someone like that..u mayb find a pen wich writes well..but its never the same pen..and once uv used such a pen, u can never forget wat it felt like..ur forced to use other pens coz well life must go on..n u need pens in ur life..but that one pen wud always b special..n ud never realise how much u depended on it till it gets stolen the day of ur exam.."

"Some people say that you don't know what you have until you lose it, but it's not always like that. You always know what you have. You just never thought you would lose it.."

it's true..

musings..ramblings..whatever..

ahh been sooo long since i last did this (n i say this every time i blog..lol)..wish i had some really awesome pearls of wisdom to share or a gr8 opinion on some topic of hot debate of recent times..demo yappari atashi nanka muri..zettai dekinai..which reminds me, its also been sooo long since i had random awkward jap chats with fellow jap-crazed ppl..left almost all the forums i used to frequent..only keep in touch thru MAL n that too only when i update the list of whatever i watch these days..which also will continue only till a few months more at max..and then would be sayonara to my alter-ego on these sites..ahhh makes me feel really sad to be parting with my love of so many years..dunno how i'll survive without my daily yaoi fixes (i almost die every vacation..its a real sight to see me tearing into them once m back from hols..lol)..and i can't even rant about it to ppl i know coz most would not know what it was about n the ones who have even remotely heard of it would probably never look at me the same way if they found out about my weird cravings..even now i guess its only rava-san who really understands what i feel when i go all @_@ about sasunaru even tho he probably wishes i never bring it up again :P

i read this one liner this morning which totally cracked me up..

"friends share your passions..real friends share your perversions.."

mads, ananya n me had a hearty laugh over it at breakfast this morning..about how we all are such huge perverts..but then it got me to thinking..about how only a small fraction of my "real friends" even know about all my perversions, let alone share them..i guess i am most free amongst the ones here at univ and yes they do understand and share most of my pet pervs..but there are these other few ppl online who know this total other jap-crazed side of me and understand it so much better than anyone here ever could..and them i don't even consider as "real" friends since they don't even know my real name and only know me as some crazy chick (n some might nt even know i'm a girl!) behind a weird profile name..but yes they know way more about certain perversions than anyone i have ever met..so is it weird that my so-called real friends don't know everything about me?..i probably unconsciously n instinctively follow a need-to-know rule among friends..if you brought every one of my friends together n asked them all about me, you'd still end up around 20% short..is that weird??..is everyone else like that too or am i the only one who thinks so much and compartmentalises everyone so that not one person knows me fully??..does that mean i don't trust anyone and hence, i have not really truly accepted anyone as my friend??..or can you even call someone a true friend or, for that matter, a "best friend" (i never could figure out the progression from being a normal/random friend to a good friend to a best friend anyway..but that's another discussion) if that person doesn't even know you fully??

tho i do think i am right in my own way..coz different ppl would react differently..and its not fair to just dump "myself" on certain people who i know would never get me..for example, i know for sure that there are some of my friends who would be scandalised sh*tless if they came to know even 10% about me..then there would be those who would still remain friends, but would probably always wonder if i am secretly an axe murderer or something (n m sure they would be the ones who would not get this joke either!)..and then of course would be the real gr8 ones who would gradually get "converted" by me (a huuge guilt trip for me every time i think of that) and hence come to share at least a few of my perversions..so are they the only "real" friends i have??..hmm..i wonder.....
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ummm..so no i don't actually wonder..but..i needed something to fill this blog so i wrote it anyway..hehe..or actually it just kinda wrote itself..so maybe this means i do wonder..or at least that i wondered for the duration of time it took me to write this..lol..wow i must b really jobless to b wondering about whether i wondered!! :D

well im quite satisfied with how this post turned out..nice n mental..hehe..so toodles for now..n lets hope i get enough material to satisfy enough of my "urges" n "hungers" before i leave the univ for my dreary empty adult life.. ^_^

Life is good..

..but death is AWESOME!!!!