tatoeba no hanashi

"friends..we were..best friends..even before i knew that i had one..or even wanted one..more like..he was my only friend..i didnt even feel the need to make any more frnds..stupid??..i went to school all day..went out to play in the evenings..there were always ppl there..classmates..neighbours..we laughed..talked..had fun..but not one did i consider as a "friend"..they were just ppl who were there..like props wich come with the set of a play..they werent the actors..and anyway the play hadnt even started yet..it was still at the stage of the dress rehearsal..

the day he was gone..i thot he was late..thats all.."late"..simple..i didnt worry..i never once thot that anything was wrong..or could go wrong..and then suddenly it did go wrong..horribly terribly "wrong"..it wasnt that my worst fears were realised..coz i never even had such a fear in the first place..it was weird..so weird..but..it was fine..i didnt think it really mattered that much..just one person was gone..shudnt make so much of a difference..i think it was then that i realised the mistake of never making "friends"..it was hard starting over again..i didnt want to..i was just too lazy..it was supposed to all happen somehow..naturally..like with him..but it didnt..i didnt look at other ppl n feel the same..i cudnt..i didnt think he had so much in him..i found bits n pieces in other ppl..but never a "whole"..

how do you get over someone??..i never really thought about it..i wudnt need to..n i wudnt want to..n anyway how dus one get over sumone wen theres nthg really to get over..aftr all wat m i supposed to "get over"??..n u cant get over someone who is ur life..who has been with u so much that u didnt even realise that he was a separate being..wen sumone is just there..and then suddenly not there..thats just it..he's not there..thats all..how do u get over that missing piece of ur life??..wen u notice that that sumone is missing..that mad scramble to find him..find anything who would "fit" there..and then finally wen uv made ur peace with it, something reminds u that theres something wich ur forgetting..and ur back again trying to plug in that hole..

i've never "loved" a person..but that was probably the closest i ever got to it..having a world where only one other person is allowed in..something that special..must surely be something like that elusive feeling..and the feeling of being utterly alone when that person is gone..that must be true despair i thought..everything went on as before.."friends" came n went..like pens u use and throw and then buy new ones..just that..he was like a pen which suddenly went out of stock..and no other pen would write as well as that did..u dnt get over someone like that..u mayb find a pen wich writes well..but its never the same pen..and once uv used such a pen, u can never forget wat it felt like..ur forced to use other pens coz well life must go on..n u need pens in ur life..but that one pen wud always b special..n ud never realise how much u depended on it till it gets stolen the day of ur exam.."

"Some people say that you don't know what you have until you lose it, but it's not always like that. You always know what you have. You just never thought you would lose it.."

it's true..