where am i??

this past few days..actually weeks..make that months..or is it years??..iv been wasting my time..doing nothing..absolutely wasting it..throwing it down the drain..with no regard to anything..or anyone..and i really dont knw why..i mean..i love what im doing..law..in fact, i chose it much to my whole family's surprise..and a whole lotta frnds too..previously just one person from the whole of kharagpur had ever even thought of pursuing law..i didnt have a clue as to what it would entail..or what it was about..where to apply..what to do..what to prepare..i had no contacts in the field..not even a single lawyer in my whole huge extended family..all docs n engineers n profs n ias officers n businessmen..but a lawyer??..not one..zilch..so i had nothing in fact..till january of 2004 i was clueless as to what i wanted to do with my life..the only clear idea i ever had was that i wasnt going to end up in iit kharagpur..bog or otherwise..i mean i liked science n all..always have had a knack for it more than arts..but i was not a fanatic over maths or physics or anything..it was just that i was better at it than arts or commerce..but making a career of it!!..never came into question..my life wasnt one filled with plans or anything..it was strictly living in the moment..no HOWGIHs or HOWGALs for me thnx very much..hehe..n guess if i hadnt come across that ad by prime tutorials i would be doing something entirely different..like english..or mass comm..or even designing or something..but point is..i did see it..and went ahead to their office in cal..n the rest as they say is history..appeared for just three entrance exams that year..(even the worst students in my batch probably appeared for more!!)..lucky for me..got thru at one go..so welcome to national law university jodhpur..

it was my dream come true..(in fact, still is)..i was a bit confused when i came..but within a very short time i knew that this was where i belonged..really n truly belonged..was doing b.sc biotech hons. with ll.b hons..combining both my interests..n i was happy..more than i had ever been..i mean..this was the life i had always dreamt of..iv always loved arguing..n have always joked about committing the perfect murder n all..n now i could maybe do it knowing all the loopholes in the law..hehe..read all those novels of perry mason in school..hehe..true that my first choice would have been to become a secret agent..hehe..but never mind those childish fantacies..i had arrived!!..finally..the place was great..away from the city..no pollution..great sky..awesome climate..perfect lil single rooms!!..(i was a bit apprehensive about having to live wth someone..i mean..poor girl..)..great mess food..(yeah another thing i was verrry afraid of..having had to hear of the awful inedible stuff they serve in iitkgp)..24/7 net n lan..a great group of friends..i mean..what else does one need in life??..

hehe..anyway..the first sem was a breeze..the best ever..and i dont knw exactly when things started to go downhill..when the novelty wore off..when the monotonousity set in..suffice to say..the rose coloured glasses came off..n then as they say..the rest is again history..

so now..where am i..what am i doing..i have no business wasting my time like this..living in a dream world..refusing to step into reality..even knwing that someday it will all come crashing down as nightmares..oh i soo envy retired people..who have already gone through life..and have only memories..like dreams..n why do i do this??..my usual excuses of laziness or procastrination with regard to anything even remotely resembling work??..maybe..maybe not..not this time..im not that dumb or stupid..to throw my life away for a bit of a lie-in..not for this long anyway..or am i??..so what is it??..i happen to be perpetually bored..even when i have a million things to do..even watching movies or reading isnt quite as appealing as they seemed to be..nothing is..everything is in like a haze..time flies..just now it was yesterday..and now its today..and before i know it, it will be tomorrow..n i dont knw where all this time goes..so fast..days come and go..how..its like im standing in the middle of..everywhere..and everything is moving..very very fast..like streaks u knw..n im still..so perfectly still..is this how a druggie feels??..i wonder..(not seriously no..actually who cares..if im "high" on life..so be it..but somehow i dont quite think so..)..

anyway..as usual my fingers are typing away at something which i have no clue came from where or how..or even why..n i might be making a huge mistake..penning all this down n publishing it like this..but what the hell..wats life without a few mistakes right??..

tada then..
ciao..