emptiness..

it didn’t matter any more..now that he was gone..now that she had finally accomplished the one thing that she had set out to do..obliterated her one hindrance..the world was hers now..finally!!..so why did it seem so empty all of a sudden??..like by extinguishing that one life, the light of her own had somehow been extinguished..it didn’t make any sense..why??..why??..why??

she wanted to cry out in frustration..or just..cry??..no that was absurd..she..did..not..cry..never!!..ever..for anything..she just didn’t feel that much..did she??..then why does it hurt now??..she had heard of “heartache” before..and dismissed it as one of the many things she would never feel..could never feel..because of him..he was the one who was responsible for making her the unfeeling frigid monster she had become in the first place..after she had vowed her revenge against him for all that he had done to her..and finally gone through with it..after all those years..he was exactly where he should be..so why wasn’t she rejoicing right now??..why did it feel like her heart (did she even possess one??) was being ripped to pieces..

in her zeal to mete out judgement to her _____..what was he to her again??..enemy??..prey??.......childhood “idol” and first love??..the one person she thought would never do something like “that”..but all that had changed..the day he left..leaving her..betraying her..killing her..shattering all her naïve dreams..breaking all the bonds that had held him back he said??..n blind in her hero-worship of him, she had even agreed to go with him..just to be together..haha..what a fool she had been..not knowing who this person truly was even after spending almost all her life for him..

she had come a long way from back then..she had changed herself..because naïve fools like her didn’t survive in this world..the world he was the king of..n now she could claim it as hers..the hand that he had extended to her when they had met again after the years had changed her so much that he didn’t even recognize her for who he had once discarded so callously..to rule with him..to be her queen..by his side..she had taken that hand..and broken it..tortured it..and taken immense pleasure in doing so..the sadist that she was..and now that it was finally over..her reason for living evaporated..

she felt..alone..for the very first time..truly alone..for even through those times of pain and hardship, the one thing that had kept her going was the thought of defeating him..finally..at his own game..the desire to see his face contort in pain – and remembrance – was what had barely held her together when she almost fell apart from the sheer helplessness of it all..it’s said that the view from the top of the world might be breathtaking..but it was also terribly lonely..and the one person she had deemed capable of standing next to her – she had killed with her own hands..watched as the life slowly ebbed out of him..second after excruciating second..as the light left his eyes..as that still handsome face settled into a deathly calm..as the look of betrayal gave way to that of eternal sleep..

she walked through the empty house..out into the garden..their garden..past the flowers they had both planted..together..a lifetime ago..past that tree where they had passed many a lazy wintery afternoon..past that little bench which was exactly at the right place to look out over the valley..their valley..she looked at it all..seeing yet unseeing..it was like every tree, every flower, every blade of grass, every bit of everything..reeked of him..reminded her of him..of what was..a lifetime ago..

who was she??..all those months..that fake laugh..was more real than her real laugh..that mask she had worn for his sake..was what she had gradually become..that fantasy she had lived the past months..had become her reality..the unthinkable had happened..with the loss of her innocence, she had also lost any affection she had ever felt for the man who had compelled her into such a situation..but the monster that she had had to become..had fallen for the monster that he had always been..that innocent feeling she that nurtured for him when she was still a child had given way to something else..something deadly..

emptiness..that’s what she felt now..like she was hollow..and his voice was echoing inside..he hadn’t even known why she did what she did..he had died without knowing who she was and why she was wringing his life away from him..just like she had never understood the motives behind his actions that day either..his vague excuse of having to do “something” had never satisfied her..and she had thrown the same words back at him at his deathbed..just so he’d know how it felt..to be thrown away without understanding why..

and somehow..it was all meaningless..true she had all she wanted..but she could never tell anyone that..she could never scream out to the world how happy she was now that she had accomplished her one true goal..the only one who could ever understand how she felt now..was gone..everything had gone according to plan..but maybe it was a mistake to plan only till so far..she had truly never thought of how life would be after he was gone..in her desire to quench her thirst with his blood, she had never planned what to do when she felt thirsty again..her whole life had somehow been always dictated by his actions and she despised herself – and him – for it..which is why she had broken free..but even now when she had torn him like a thorn from a rose, she left like this rose would wilt without it??..why??..truth be told, maybe she had become a monster for him..maybe that was what she had always wanted..maybe she had always been trying to fulfil those childish dreams..her fairytale…..

but how does one get a “happily ever after” once the princess has killed prince charming??

just..don't ask..i should stay away from angsty fanfics n dumb mbs..till i get sane again..
ciao.. :)