"humma humma"

cultural week on in full swing..last night were the dance recitals..solo, duet n group..n day before yesterday we got the sudden urge to participate..ananya n me..so we thought we'd choose some song n pick up some steps..well n good..the whole day went by n zilch done..n we're like "we are dancing right??..its tomorrow..we'll manage..we have the night.."..well the night came n went..we had fun..did stuff..slept..no dancing..the day of the competition dawned n us with still no idea as to what we are doing..or whether we are even gonna go through with it or not..riddhis group practising like crazy in the corridor..missing classes n all..but us??..naaaa..pretty chilled..first two periods go by without notice..m half asleep n dozing off..third period mads finds out her moots been postponed to next saturday n she's free too..(n btw..all this time..we are still like.."we are still dancing aren't we??..its this evening!!..we'll manage..")..so with mads on board as well we finally decide to draw up a list of songs to choose from..3rd class over n still left with this huuuge list..thankfully 4th was hons. classes..which they didnt have n i thought id be done with early coz it was jst this teeny portion of shavii's presentation..but no such luck..thanks to the eternal crap-meister's relentless efforts in keeping us in till the very last moment!!..uggghhh..god!! didnt knw people could actually crap soo much..but lemme not deviate into discussions on crapping prowess exhibited during our cri. hons. classes..that's best saved for another day and another entry..anyway so i finally managed to detach myself n rushed back..hoping that some significant progress had occurred in my absence..thankfully the list had been narrowed down considerably..2.15 n we are down to just two songs..its either "humma humma" or "mangalyam"..but on the flip side, we have class from 2.30 till 4.30 n the thing starts at 7..come 2.45 we are pretty much decided on "humma humma" n have all these random ideas..3.00 we get called to class for pil attendance..sucks!!!.. but by 3.30 we are back..pil and ipr attendance taken care of..n 3 joshi's chairs flicked fr props..hehe..n then we really get down to it in earnest..n slowly it all takes form..barely three hours later we can quite proudly say that we've come up with a pretty well choreographed piece..a few finishing touches n practice sessions later we are good to go..last min scramble to get us registered n submit the song in time (the duets n solos had already started by then!!)..found out we're on in 10 mins!!..n we werent even ready yet..somehow managed to dress up n everything in time..n actually with time to spare for some more last min practice n the inevitable oh-my-god-im-gonna-forget-the-steps-n-embarrass-myself-in-front- of-the-whole-univ jitters (n of course the "do i look too fat??" jitters as well..hehe)..n before we knew it, it was our turn..n in a flash it was all over..thankfully we didnt mess it up..didnt forget or stand there looking stupid..n for something cooked up in 3 hours it was jolly good (even if i do say so myself..hehe)..we did get a fair share of cheers n applause..n even had people coming up n saying that they were surprised that we (read "i") could dance at all since this was the first for both mads n me in the univ (not counting the dance party thingies of course)..n apparantly i did not look like a stick up there..yiee me!!..but unfortunately noone payed us the ultimate compliment of "its a gem!! its a gem!!"..hehe..but anyway the whole thing was a hoot..we had an amazing time preparing n dancing..loads of fun..

so well that was it..dead tired after the thing was over..dunno how we managed the trip to n back from sdl..for the first time we actually ordered individual thalis (though we still maintain that its much more fun sharing one n just tearing upon the food as it comes..not to mention its amazing for the pocket too..hehe)..hogged like no tomorrow..felt like we hadnt eaten in days..by the time we were done i was feeling all laaazzzyy n satisfied which comes only with a well fed tummy..hehe..dnt remm the return journey much..came back to room..verrry "drunk" (but then m perpetually that way according to mads..hehe)..legs were killing me by then..just wanted to drop on the bed n never wake up again..but had work..n still had to make that crappy presentation fr today as well..almost made me wanna go bang my head sumplace..thankfully i had already pretty much completed the research aspect of it n just the typing was left..managed to make some sense outta it somehow..left almost half to be done this morning..was gonna wake up early but for me thats but a dream rt??..hehe..anyway managed to finish it properly and on time..regardless of lappy charger malfunctions (more like non-functions), mysterious disappearances of saved material n untimely power cuts..but alls well that ends well..presentation went fine..even though vss did come back halfway through it (yeah he wasnt supposed to be thr..but much to gas' glee he returned early) n there was a lotttt of crap flung around as usual..n my 20 mins presentation dragged on for the whole hour..n now hopefully those two will decide among themselves how much they wanna give me..

anyway m too sleepy again now..but m in suchhhh a bugging kinda mood..n theres noone to bug..aaahhhhhh!!!..its been a looong time since i actually wanted to bug someone soo much..but no matter..it wud probably not be that much fun with me feeling sooo sleepy like this..whatever..m just gonna go ahead n start dreaming..theres this very specific idea i have right now..would luuuv to dream abt that..so better get a move on before i get all wakey-wakey again..

jaa mata ne!!
ciao.. :)

ps: dandiya night tomm..n only ananya wants to go while the rest of us think that its just too much of a pain to get all dressed up n everything..but i know that even after all our plans of not going, in the end we'll all end up going anyway..like last time also it was a last min plan n we went verry late n ended up taking too many pics as usual with not much dancing thrown in..anyhoo..m going out so m ruled out anyway (too bad would miss the scavenger hunt as well)..but lets see if we all have a night out or i get dragged in after iv come back!!

the best feeling in the world!!!

the absolute bestest feeling in the world has gotta be..no classes!!!!..especially on lazy saturdays when one doesnt wanna go out at all..n the bestest of the bestest of the best is thinking there would be a full day of class and finding out that its all cancelled after all!!!!!..gotta love those firms n companies coming for recruitment..wouldnt have had such an amazing saturday if not for their numerous ppts..so no classes..but attendance given on sheets n stuff (proxy of course..the only chance we get here fr stuff like that wich other ppl take for granted)..so thats like yieeeee fr me..no first class so got up late..turned out to be no second class either..moot in 3rd class so sneaked out half-way..2 hr break fr lunch..n classes cancelled again in the aftee..so effectively no classes..n knowing that theres a lazy sunday to look forward to as well..well what can i say..*blisssssss*..watched stuff..read few fanfics..bugged ppl..did sum work (yeah m up to my neck in work n procrastinating dreadfully as usual)..had some yum food..a very my kinda day all in all..hehe..

the second bestest feeling was..probably..watching the india-pakistan final..widescreen..in the darkened mess..all of us together screaming our lungs out..sitting right in front of the huge screen..cheering..cursing..hooting..shouting..jumping..whistling.. stomping..nara-maroing..amazing experience..n then india won..n how!!!..the best type of final..a nail-biting finish..if after all that the pakis had won i dnt think the tv would have survived our assault..hehe..thankfully that wasnt the case..india did win..tho it was just by the skin of their teeth..n we were sooo gleeful that in the end "miserable huq" got out..hehe..n we made such a riot..could be heard fr miles around..n the bombs n crackers later on..god!!..sugggoooiiiiiii!!!!..normally i dnt really like watching matches..too long n gets too boring fr me..much better to have my sis scream n call me during the good parts..but this time was totally different..guess it does make a difference how ones watching it..if it had been jst watching on tv in mess i wouldnt hav gone fr it..but with all the get-up n all..thot id just stay for a while..n got hooked..of course it helped that it was just a 20-20 over match..but watevr..it was amazing..the end..

so..its a really nice time m going thru rt now (not work-wise..coz i hav loads of that..wich m ignoring at present till they actually do bury me)..but otherwise its all really nice..have started getting amazing dreams again which i remember!!..saw sequels to a few of them as well..been meaning to fr quite some time now..it finally cooled down here..drizzled n rained fr sumtime..some brilliant lightning flashes (the whole inter-galactic war types!!)..sandstorms here n there..amazing cloudy skies all the time..n absolutely gorgeous moons at nights.."playing hide n' seek with the clouds"..n a beautiful full moon night right now..light cool breeze blowing through ur hair..heaven!!..this is when after dinner walks are the best..all dark n cool..with just the moon n stars..n us behaving mental as usual..hehe..

speaking of us behaving mental..the other day in class..monday..decided to take pics n stuff.."creations" - our cultural week - going on..so monday was ethnic day n we were all in suits or kurtis n stuff..n decided to remember the occasion..n it was a gorgeous day..all windy n cloudy n cool..naturally not in the mood to study..n ppl were going crazy abt the match in the evening as well..n then the labour law guy decided to take a snap (which was like kinda announced coz he'd been wanting to take it fr ages now n we'd stalled him with sumthg or the other every time..hehe)..of course we didnt wanna write then..n that too in the 3.30 class with just a few hrs remaining for the match!!..so we made some excuse of it being a moot class so no notes with ppl n stuff n finally managed not to have the test (which happened the next day actually..announced snap..but we had flicked the paper n gotten photocopies so no probs..hehe..he did know of it n "changed" the paper..which actually didnt amount to much coz he'd merely changed the names n stuff n kept the substantial parts as it is.."super mann" that he is..total wanna-be bond..hehe)..so after all the crying n cribbing n pleading we were totally not in the mood to study..so decided that a photoshoot session was in order..hehe..took like a tonne of pics..all taken from weird angles so he wudnt notice..was hilarious..sitting in the "functional second bench" (i.e. the actual 3rd bench)..laughing like maniacs..posing this way n that..making jai remove his elbow n dealing with other incidental interferences..n all without him noticing!!..everyone else around us were giving us such looks i think..hehe..but was sooo much fun..kept on taking pics throughout..even till end of next class (not that that took too long..attendance..bit of nakhra..n left..obviously..like we were actually gonna sit n study with the "chu chu chu" guy till 5.30 on the match day!!..duuuhhh!!)..n then it went on for a bit more..pics outside class on the balcony..while walking back to mess..of the sky n clouds..basically just loads of pics..n loads of fun..

well..been writing this blog entry for a loooong time now..had thought of writing abt the no classes thingy on saturday itself but due to certain unavoidable circumstances (viz. me being too lazy..n having too many things to watch..etc etc etc..hehe) was unable to..again thought id write on monday night after the match..but again due to similar circumstances..hehe..finally started last nite..but left halfway through..was too sleepy to think straight..now at last its done..n i wont feel the urge to write this n that n the other in the middle of every boring class!!

till next time then..
jaa ne!!

ps: totally hooked to the "black cat" intro song.."daia no hana"..been listening to it over n over n over again..n wanna watch hyd all over again (ok so that was totally random..bt i doooo so wanna watch it again..)

the thrill of the chase...n guys i wanna choke the life out of!!

so this was actually written in pkp's ipr class (or at least half of it)..got so bored that decided to write on paper for a change..will be published in the evening of course (now i mean..hehe)..anyway..so m bored as usual..watching "trinity blood" again..properly this time (ie. in jap with subs)..n "black cat" is amazing as usual..brilliant sequences..n train heartnet..aaaaahh..especially as the aloof cold-blooded killer in the earlier eps..hotttttt!!..the whole black overcoat flowing in the wind thing..never fails..always been a sucker for that..hehe..

anyhoo..back to the main topic..actually why i started this entry in the first place..wanted to include it last time actually but couldnt find a suitable opening in all the random drabble..so.."the thrill of the chase"..one of the precursors??..reasons??..(watevr..call it wat u will)..for my boredom..basically building things up a tad bit too much..n hence ending up bored too soon..like the other day in the aftee class..we were soooo hungry..n discussed soo much abt food n how hungry i was (n freaked mads out tellin her to go stand out in the sun so she could get "nice n cooked"..but she wasnt all dat freaked sadly enough..its become normal now..my cannibalistic tendencies becoming more pronounced in class that is..n especially in pkp's classes these days..hehe..even now he's talking abt basmati rice n its x'tics..how it looks..smells like..oooooohhhh godddd..m hungggrryyyy!!!)..anyway so we could actually taste the food..fried maggi..thali..chicken tikka..the works..yummm..sooo much so that we like couldnt wait to go to sdl n hog like crazy..counting the minutes till end of class..n i for one saw everything around me as lumps of yumm food stuff..hehe..so the very second class got over we - mads, ananya n me - practically ran to sdl..even in the reaallly hot (u hav noooo idea how hot believe me!) sun barely surviving ananya's father-in-law's bride burning attempts..n managed to reach sdl in almost semi-solid forms..still really hungry..but couldnt manage to hog as much as i would have liked to..mostly coz it was just soo hot n stuffy..n i just wanted to go back to the room n to my precious cooler..n go online n watch stuff as usual..actually would have preferred to have someone just get me something (ya eternally lazy me..hehe)..but coz id soo overhyped the thing in class that i just had to go..n walk back in the heat as well..mattaku..so basically i probably ended up having more fun fantasizing about it than actually doing it..not quite within the ambit of "thrill of the chase" but somewhat like it..anyway so keeping in mind my tendency to get bored with everything too soon..not too much of a surprise really..n its nt like this happens to me over food only..actually this is probably the first time since food happens to satisfy me pretty well normally..n its more in terms of stuff i watch..expect too much n end up being disappointed..or get soo enamoured by the trailers that the final product doesnt hold much..n then theres the whole thing abt me wanting things i think i cant have n getting bored of it as soon as i do get it (happens more often with studies actually..one time this guy pissed me off n i thot id do better than him n thought maybe that wouldnt b possible coz he was the topper n all..but in the end topped myself n he got miserable results..was quite happy..but didnt feel like repeating it the next time)..call me lazy but i wouldnt like ppl to keep on expecting great things frm me..its a pain to study n top all the time..n once uv done it ppl keep expecting u to continue topping..which is the painful part..coz its more often than not a one-time thing..just a whim on my part..just coz i can top doesnt mean that i like it!!..n then y deprive all those ppl who reaaally wanna top n have been studyin all thru the year for that wich i achieved in a one-night crash course studying the day before the exams??..doesnt seem fair does it??..(actually seems extremely lazy of me..but..watever!!)..anyway so getting bored of things which i chase after n build up too much soon after iv gotten it..thats me!!..which is probably the one major reason i dnt go out with guys i think (n of course theres the thing that none of them match up..well basically r nt yamapi..hehe)..coz i know that after this thrill thing is over, id get dead bored n ditch the guy asap..hehe..n since no guy can actually hold my attention for long (not counting jap ones of course..they'd keep me hooked forever i expect!!..hehe)..so well wat can i say..m apparantly very flighty..hmmm..

ookk..so this entry didnt quite turn out how i first imagined it..too many pauses in b/w i guess..started in class n finishing now..hmmmm..was gonna finish in the evening itself right after class..but ended up editing the project n making the dumb attendance wala assignment..n its not even that farzi..surprizing really!!..the one thing i didnt need to make all nice n stuff, i did..anyhoo so was too mad in the evening anyway to write stuff here..lets just say that certain ppl who shouldnt concern themselves with my business apparantly do..overly..very very overly!!..uffff..pissing off..one tight slap these samples should get..right across their face..disgusting!! poking their nose where it doesnt belong..now ppl reading my blogs i dnt mind..but why cant ppl b normal n just post a comment here if they sooo wanna comment on my posts..why do they hav to send random unwanted msgs i really dont understand!!..if its something that they dnt wanna let the "public" (ya right like the whole world reads my blog oh so religiously like the morning newspaper!!) know..then even i dnt wanna knw..n especially if m not talking to them!!!!..not talkin to ppl does not mean i wanna receive all sorts of random comments instead..y cant ppl just get the msg for gods sake..i mean seriously..wat do i have to do to get it across??..i fail to understand how iv not been clear enough already as it is!!..aarrrggghhh..guys shud all just go jump into sum convenient well or sumthg n die..die die DIEEEE!!!!

ok so now i wanna kill ppl again..n verrry painful deaths at that..n yeah a "torture note" would be great thnx very much..tho a "death note" would suffice just as well..anyway m feeling too sleepy again..n gotta finish these few eps b4 i switch off completely..

well then..
jaa ne!!

drabble

i guess this is like the 4th time iv opened this page..n this time i will write something..thing is..its like i have too many random vague ideas running through my head..n at the same time its like my mind is also completely blank..well then lets start off with some really good news first..no first class tomm..so i get to sleep in!!..yiee mee!!..n bad news??..hmmmm..m bored again..but that i guess is just news..good or bad doesnt really come in..n m really blabbering again right??..i am like a drunk baby lately like mads keeps telling me..n wat does this drunk baby wanna talk about now??

guess what exactly is going through my head right now???.."i am sooo bored..mendokuse..this is such a farce..i should soo go to sleep right now"..but the "bored" parts brighter n in huger caps than others..so m gonna be talking abt me being bored again??..story of my life really..wat else is thr to say??..why cant anythg nice n interesting happen??..sometimes i wish i was like haruhi n the world revolved around me n everytime i got bored something would happen!!..but no such luck..m nt in an anime..there are no aliens, espers or time-travellers around me..thing is..i would probably even settle for being like kyon..but..naaaaaaaa..*beeeeep*..life can be "but a dream"..but apparantly not some reaally exciting anime..actually wouldnt have minded had it been one of my own dreams..but apparantly life is this really boring dream dreamt up by this reaaaalllly boring individual who i think basically needs to get a life..so..here i am..this is me..and there are probably a million n one persons id rather be!!..but unfortunately m stuck being bored here..havent even had any of my amazing dreams in quite some time now..n even if i have i dont remm a single bit of it..

not that many stuff to watch lately either..i guess m slowly getting over my rabid mania over watching any other anime i can lay my hands on..dorama phase coming up again maybe??..but then maybe its coz every other good anime iv been following these days is coming to an end..such a pain..y do these gotta end without really ending??..when the manga is ongoing how does it make sense to end everythg midway when nothing has been resolved at all??..pissing off..iv gotta read all these mangas now unless new seasons get announced..mendokuse..mendokuse..mendokuse!!!!!!

anyhoo..hmmm..so..run out of topics again i see..this sucks..m bored bored bored..have nothing to write about n yet m blabbering along..this will probably be the most embarrassing entry ever..which i really should delete but will not coz m just too stubborn..n bored (see??..there is that word again.."bored")..so..wat else is new with me hmm??..been taking these ridiculous quizilla anime quiz things (coz i was bored..of course..hehe)..thought i might put some up here at the end of it..but they were just so utterly ridiculous that i had to chuck that idea outta the window immediately..some of the pics in the results were nice tho..but the quizzes themselves were the dumbest things ever..

anyway since i really dont have anything to blog about (actually never did in the first place..but lets ignore that teeny tiny lil thing for now)..n this has probably crossed all heights of blab..even those set by me..so tatas to u all from a very sleepy drunk baby whos only excuse for making any hapless individual go through the pain of actually sitting n reading this thru is "insanity brought on by extreme boredom" (n theres the sleepiness..n the drunkenness as well..but mostly the boredom thingy..hehe)

soo..till i can live the shame down :P
jaa ne!!

just for a while..

ok so this is my first poem here..n well first poem in years..first "real" poem not counting those rhymes n birthday msgs i used to make up..anyway basically first senti mushy lovey-dovey(?) poem by an adult me which i didnt immediately feel like deleting..made in a hurry by a very sleepy drunk-from-pepsi me (who incidentally is very irritated over a scratchy throat..runny nose..eyes which feel uncomfortably hot..n the beginnings of a pretty high fever!)..inspired from my current gtalk status ("did you know...??") n the hundred n one answers i came up with for all those ppl who bugged me abt it..soo well statutory warning time over..dont expect much n u wont b disappointed..anyway id better stop blabbering n get on with the real task..hai dozo :)

~ Just for a While ~

Oh did you know..
Gazing upon the stars..Still makes me think of you..
Even if just for a while..

Oh did you know..
Listening to our song..Still makes me cry..
Even if just for a while..

Oh did you know..
Looking at you across the room..Still makes my heart clench..
Even if just for a while..

Oh did you know..
Thinking back on our time..Still makes me regret letting you go..
Even if just for a while..

Oh if only you knew..
How many times I still wake up calling your name..
The hollow silence mocking me..
Your face burned in my brain..

Come back..Come back..Screams my empty heart..
Broken into a million pieces..
Too long have we been apart..
I know I loved you then..I know I love you now..
Come back..'Coz I know you loved me too..
Even if just for a while..

leave a comment if ya liked it..n a lil constructive criticism will not be unwelcome either :)
jaa ne!!

nani attenda atashi wa..??

really..wat am i doing??..have this huuuuge pil test today..for which i havnt studied..at least not seriously..n that too after i was all sincere n told my mom that i'll sleep in the evening n study all night..ha ha..what a joke!!..but i did keep half of the promise..i did sleep all thru the evening n quite a bit of the night as well..but as for the studying later bit..no show..as soon as i sat in the chair..the comp was like this giant magnet pulling me towards it..n that was the end of all my hi-fi plans..

so all my nice intentions went down the drain..to be replaced by the latest installment of "claymore" (just 2 eps left now to the end..n then il start on the manga in ernest..theres no way they can actually do justice to it in just 26 eps..n that too with an ongoing manga..n apparantly the story line differs considerably)..2nd last ep of "school days" (hope the guy dies a verrrry painful death in the last ep!)..netting for any info on "yuukan club" (bakanishi's new dorama..releasing on 16th oct..finally the long waits over!!..n hes still pretty "drool-worthy" :P)..n watching lots n lots n LOTS of dmvs..which made me wanna watch the series all over again..n dby got me to thinking abt wwl..so basically right now m pining away for the 8th n 10th eps to get subbed so i can watch 9th n 11th..its just sooo hard to resist skipping to the next eps but since soo much happens in an ep cant even do that..

anyway so i uploaded this bunch of dmvs to orkut so i can look at them n drool sum more..chatted some..ate stuff..tried to study (yes i really did)..gave up wen it became painfully obvious that i wasnt retaining anythg anyway..so guess wat i did??..refreshed cr again..still no "bleach"..y cant db be nice n punctual as it is with "naruto" so i can watch it b4 i head for class??..bt no ppl wanna make my day even worse..tempted to watch the raw but thankfully could resist..

actually by now m babbling abt stuff i shudnt b babbling about..i hate writers block (n studying for pil)..so forgive me if this entry seems weird n "gemmy" :P

gotta get ready for class in sumtime now..
jaa ne!!

pigeon spank inferno

well just outta a power outage..n did i ever mention how much i luv electricity??..or as mads wud put it technology as a whole..n especially my cooler, the noise of which blots out some really disgusting noises as i realised just now..lets just say i hav a new-found respect for my headphones blaring music at the top of its voice..err.. volume..for otherwise i wud b subjected to listen to the 3rd degree torture that is the orgy currently on in full blast in my balcony..in other words.."pigeon spank inferno" (k dirty minds outta d gutter..i watched "coupling" n not the original!!)..guess i never quite realised how loud they were before..or mayb its just "that time" for them..but theres kinda like a proper full-fledged harem raging outside..n i think the two (disgustingly ugly) chicks are probably scarred for life after seeing their mom n other people looking exactly like their mom do stuff right in front of their innocent eyes..ewwwwww..

anyway the whole time the power was cut..the only thing i was thinking to keep my mind off the you-knw-what-so-dnt-make-me- relive-the-horror-of-it-all-by-writing-abt-it-over-n-over-again was how as soon as the power came back i was gonna blog all abt it (if i didnt go mad frm it b4 that is..)..n also watch these eps of this thing wich was fully streamed n i needed to finish before going for class..which i havnt dun as yet..so me getting back to it now..

jaa ne!!

ps: moms coming tomm..n bringing writer's block as a travelling companion..hehe..so will probably be quite irregular here..

"the mistress deal"

yup..la la la vid..finally saved..n uploaded (actually..uploading at the moment..but will be dun by the time this gets written..well it kinda has to or else i wnt b able to publish it..hehe)..dunno how it will look here tho..hopefully not too weird..

anyway..guess a lil background info is in order.."the mistress deal" was formed last year (right?)..actually its always been in existence..but formally named as such then..but now we are also called "the lalalazzz" but lets not go into the graphic details of the exact nature of our relationship here..hehe..so this mistress deal is composed of the "awesome threesome" (yeah thats wat we originally went by)..mads, ananya n me..basically the idea was that since thr r three of us..one of us has always gotta b the mistress in the relationship rt??..so we all r mistresses for the others..n the names got inspired frm these corny mbs we read..hehe..actually jst "mistress deal" (frm my collection) n "arabian mistress" (wich mads was reading)..n since we cudnt find anothr suitable name..ananya became "the mistress"..n as for my "dirty mistress"..thats frm "greys anatomy"..combined with ananyas astronaut boyfrnd story (my lips r sealed ananya..m nt gonna embarrass u in a public forum)..hehe..so anyway we have super times togethr..n this vid is jst composed of a few pics taken during sum of our demented times togethr..frm photoshoots at odd occasions to sunset point confessions to blatant lalala behaviour..with some corny lines thrown in here n thr fr gud measure..oh the joys of being lalala!!

so without further ado (well actually i dnt hav anythg else to say wich wont -- lets say -- compromise..err..certain things wich had better remain in confidence fr now..n besides mads is gettin mad at me fr keepin her waiting fr dinner..hehe)..well then..heres the vid..in all its lalala glory..enjoy!!

do drop in a comment or two about how bad it was exactly (especially mads n ananya coz m nt really sure how the description turned out finally)..i knw it probably wnt make much sense to othrs..bt to us who have actually "lived thru it"..its kinda a cute way to relive those crazy times..

so then..toodles for now peepli..
jaa ne!!

y do i miss him soo much....

it could be termed as a "crush" at best..certainly nothing more..well maybe if it had been allowed to continue..i probably wud have ended up falling fr him..fr real..n real bad..but thats the whole point..i didnt..cudnt..so y??..y now??..y do i still miss him so much after all these years like it was just yesterday??

guess i'll forever be plagued by thoughts..of him..us..what was..what could have been??..weird na??..never thought id end up obsessing over it after - how long has it been?? - 6 years (wow..its actually been that long??)..probably didnt think too much of it even on the "anniversary" days since..yeah sumtimes lil things did remind me of those days..but i could just laugh it off or something like that..or devote 5 mins or so to reminiscing n then get back on track..which is somehow not working now..cant blv i have nothing othr than memories of us..nothing tangible..no gifts..no cute lil teddy bears..no rings..only..four mails saved in my mailbox..just four..nothing special..just normal "hi..wen r ur vacations next??..cuming to cal sumtime??..u shudnt bunk school so much in b/w"..hehe..feel like laughing n crying every time at the same time wen i read them now..again..n again..n yet again..we had such normal conversations..nice n innocent..coz every other mail with even a hint of anythg else i deleted asap..dunno wat i was afraid of..noone wud have read them anyway..but me being the paranoid freak-show that i am deleted them as soon as i read them (really i think i had read one too many detective books where old letters gave everythg away..hehe)..i should have saved at least one..for old times sake..but not me..always thought there wud b plenty of time to do all that "later" or "wen we grew up"..a vague idea of a future??..n i even went to the extent of deleting them from his sent items wenever i was over at his place..really stupid ne??..even those times..fighting over my paranoia of being discovered..n he was always so calm..but then rarely did anythg rattle him..while i flew off the handle far too much fr my own good..would go all "vesuvius" on him as he put it..n hed calmly keep smiling at me till i was too exhausted to continue..god!! that was irritating as hell..wanted to rip that smile off (well if the same situation arose now..id probably..umm..kiss it off??..hehe..there i go..being mushy again..hehe)..i remm like only a couple of times that we really argued abt sumthg..two-sided arguments i mean..n both times it was coz i had overreacted over sumthg quite trivial n gotten him too mad..but man was he scary wen angry..hehe..n cho cute too!!..one time i actually laughed out loud in b/w he was being sooo cute..hehe..

god the memories..now that im seriously thinking about it all..theres just too many to write here..dunno wich to write n wich not to..in all the time we were together we did so many things..he was the one who got me hooked to comps..before that id merely dismissed them as these "tv look-alikes" in my dads office..useless basically..hehe..it was principally to mail him that i ventured into cyberspace n discovered the joys of internet..n it was also him who introduced me to comp games.."road rash"..will always remm the first time i came first in the race..hehe..danced around like mad..that was the first time he hugged me (more like glomped me!)..probably just to calm me down from all the random jumping around his room..but id like to think otherwise..hehe..i was so shocked i went like "statue" (yeah we used to play that a lot those days..hehe) n he started laughing..n it was so weird coz i cud actually "feel" him laughing..hehe..n even tho i like to maintain that im incapable of blushing i think that that was the one exception wen i went tomato-red from the neck up..n he had such an amused expression on his face..he teased me mercilessly for days on end after that..jerk!!..but now id give anythg to have him tease me like that..just one more time..its weird..out of all the guys iv known..many reminded me of him..in certain terms..but none could replace that mischevious smirk he had forever plastered on his face while teasing me..n god wat a memory he had!!..inhuman..remembered every single teeny tiny lil thing i goofed up in..things even id have forgotten..its like he had a "tease bank" where hed stock up on all this just so he cud make fun of me by recounting them to me wen i would least expect it..it was like his favourite past-time was to try n make my life one living hell..n i loved every freaking minute of it..hehe..

now that i think abt it..i never did get to know wat he ever saw in me..hehe..in all those times we had our "heart-to-hearts" i never once cud find the courage to ask y he chose me..thinking back now dunno y i hesitated..the answer couldnt probably have been as frightening as i was making it out to be..n now that'll forever be one of those lil things il regret..which cant be undone..not now..not ever..oh how i wish he wasnt coming that day..or at least was taking the train like his dad wanted him to..i wish he didnt knw how to drive..i wish his driver wasnt dumb enough to leave him n run off to "scout out" the cause of the jam..i wish he wasnt the oversmart jerk he was who thought he could do anythg he wanted..i wish he wasnt dumb enough not to knw that truck drivers *will* cut u off every chance they get..i wish he would have said something before..i wish everything didnt have to end just in one foolish moment of misjudgement..leaving so much unsaid..but most of all..i wish he really meant it wen he said "see ya this evening"..i wish he had kept that promise..

i knw now that it was just a crush..a passing fancy..n it didnt really take me "forever" to get over him like id thought..but if tht evening he had come..if he'd kept that promise..i think it would have turned out differently..i would probably have been studyin in iit if he got in..or sumwhere in cal..with him..yeah..with him..i might have actually become a "nice girl" (yeah even tho now the very idea gives me the creeps!!)..so iv changed frm back then??..or maybe m still the same bt would have changed had he stayed..well wat can i say..guess he took a bit of me with him wen he left..n left a bit of him inside me.. :)

okee regarding the above..wat shall i call it??..ficlet??..short story??..random crack??..basically a very haphazard account of god only knows what..bit n pieces of this n that joined together making a huge mess..hmmmm..dunno y i even wrote all that up..now..actually had gone off to bed..half n hour of tossing n turning n thinking too much got me up again..guess just had to pen it down or my mind wudnt give it a rest..dunno y tho..maybe an overdose of "bokura ga ita"??..shudnt be tho..totally different..tho it is kinda cute..but probably anythg would be "cute" after the torture that was "school days"..even thinking about it makes me shudder!!

anyway now that its all out..
toodles!!

ps: would give an arm n a leg to have him online now..but guess thats gonna be kinda "difficult" right?? :(

a lil poem...

just this lil poem..obviously not by me (ha ha..as if!!)..was a dedication to these two x'ters in this "naruto" fanfic i was reading..it'll probably not make too much sense putting it up here just like that..but it goes really well with the fic..the authoress has actually done a superb job at it..really captured sasuke's x'ter perfectly..really hate it when they make him go all OOC n lovey-dovey n stuff..well so..here it is..(n yeah this is from the pov of the girl..n "sasuke-teme's" the one with the "harsh n cruel comments"..oh but of course..hehe..so on ya go!!)

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Argue with me
Is all that you'd do.

I hate you, you hate me
Is all that we'd say,
Every hour and minute
Of every day.

I despised you, I loathed you
With all of my heart.
Your harsh and cruel comments
Tore me apart.

Then one night I found
A note on the floor -
Missing clothes, missing shoes,
A wide-open door.

I dashed through the town
To stop this cruel fate.
But when I arrived,
You were gone; I, too late.

I collapsed on the ground
As it started to rain.
I wondered if I'd ever
Overcome this pain.

Roses will die,
Violets too.
You left before I could say
That I love you...

so..wasn't that quite cute??..just thought id put it up..evn tho its totally random n all..but was kinda too long for a status (ya think!!)..so this was it..

oh n finally changed the songs on this thing..was starting to bug me..been there fr god knows how long..so last night i finally logged into zorpia n hunted down sum jap songs n put 'em up..but man was it troublesome!!..all jap songs were written in japanese..kanji i mean..n wudnt cum up in english searches..mendokuse!!..but alls well that ends well..tho these arent like my absolute favs..but it does have two songs by my darling "pi-tan"..hehe..everytime i listen to them i feel like watching "nobuta" n "kurosagi" again..cant wait for the kurosagi movie now..more yamapi..yiee!!..n "hana yori dango" movie's announced as well..now if only they'd make a "gokusen 3" or a movie or something with shin i cud die happy..hehe..missed "shinkumi" soo much in "gokusen 2" even with my bakanishi as eye-candy..n speaking of akanishi..y on earth has he gone underground even now that hes officially back n all??..i wanna see him in something tooooo!!!

k now lalala vid update..not saved yet..damn movie maker freezes every time..hopefully by next post will b up..if of course permi gets granted by mads n ananya to broadcast it to the world that is..hehe..

so till then..
jaa ne!!

ps: m gonna KILL these ppl who r "moderating" internet here..they actually had the nerve to block veoh too??..as if getting youtube wasnt enough!!..n no songs or movies can be downloaded either..n even a download limit!!..seriously this is going too far..how exactly r we supposed to survive wen ur killing the net like this???? (ok better make that how m "i" gonna survive wen my "lifeforce" is being sucked out of me!!!!!)..cant believe i have to resort to using proxy sites n all to watch stuff now (n of course they've blocked kproxy as well!!)..thankfully they have no idea about the hundred n one other sites i get my stuff from or id reallllly be dead..hehe..

this, that, dreams n la la la vidz..

exactly like the title says..this n that being my usual spree of anime, random jap stuff n drooling over a chibi yamapi..whos unbelievably cuteeee (had to pause the eps every few secs just to look at him n go "awwwww"..hehe..n he was born an amazing actor apparantly!!..n it also had my bakanishi!!!..chibi cuteness personified..hehe..if i was in an anime/dorama id probably be unconscious due to massive nosebleeds by now :D..before i get carried away into which is probably my ten-thousandth daydream of me n yamapi (..sitting in a tree..k-i-s-s-i-n-g)..ok sorry now that was totally random..hehe..just remembered from this one fanfic i was reading the other day..which would also fall under my "this n that" category..or my "things which induce massive nosebleeds" category as well..hehe..really some of them r just sooo good u freaking forget they arent canon!!!..or u freaking forget wat was canon in the first place..hehe..anyhoo..back to this n that..been spending waaayy too much time doin random netting n pic hunting..n reading doujins..n god r they addicting!! (*nosebleed alert*)..n so are anime/dorama osts..n when both go together..well suffice to say iv been seen floating around a good few feet above ground..n have it on good authority that i sing "weird songs in some apparantly made-up language (aka jap!)" in the shower..n mads n ananya have to bear me spouting random jap stuff to them like all the time..or deal with a very dreamy me with a million watt smile ranting on about how my name in jap is "yamashita emi" (how did that come about i still dnt get btw!!..but who m i to complain wen the results r.....well u get the picture :P)..which apparantly solemnifies my destiny to b married to my dear darling yamapi..or "pi-tan" as i now very affectionately call him..hehe..

well..in other news..got drunk again last saturday..looks like m turning into quite the alcoholic..hehe..but as usual..no effect..but at least better than last time..n waaaay better than wait-wat-was-her-name-again's real orange juice masquerading as screwdriver..hehe..n next time (yes we both are already planning for a "next time") its gonna be that red stuff namita was having..one sip of which was enough for all of us to get that "warm inside" feeling..hehe..so hopefully later on this month or next month or hopefully in the very near future my finally-drunk antics will be chronicled here..hopefully wen i do get drunk i will have someone online to bug or freak out..hehe..no fun otherwise right??..wats the use of getting drunk if noones there to take advantage of it..n m sure that theres at least one guy who would be only too happy to exploit my defences-down-self to extract "valuable information" (watevr that may b..since theres not much that i knw that he wud wanna knw anyway..now if it were the other way round that wud b a totally different matter..but then id probably be the last person he'd talk to wen drunk purely coz of these very reasons..fufufu..if he ever did get drunk that is..which dusnt seem to be a valid option..bt it would be "profitable" if it did happen..hehe)..but then he would probably not try anythg coz he'll be too suspicious that its all an act to make a fool outta him..cant blame him for being cautious now can i..especially after certain..lets just call them "incidents" (if ur reading this subho u knw wat m talkin about..n if ur not subho..well u have no idea wat m talkin abt n i wud rather keep it that way..so there!!)..anyway both the times that i got "drunk" there wasnt anyone to "share" it with..hehe..not like it mattered coz i wasnt really drunk..but it would hav been fun to pretend fr sometime at least..but nopes ppl just seem to disappear any time i actually wanna blab (n no..appearing at 5.30 in the morning dusnt help!!)..but they will sit n bug n bore me to death at every other time..especially wen m at a particularly impt point in one of my animes..seriously..wud i rather see an allen v/s rhode fight or kazuma n ayano not-flirting or chat with random ppl who apparantly think "hi..wassup" chats r the most interesting things on the planet!!..i mean really..if ur online n i havnt messaged u..it doesnt mean im waiting fr u to do the honours..rather that m nt in the mood to blab..or that im too busy to even notice ur online..both of wich boils down to the fact that I DON'T WANNA CHAT WITH U!!..do i really have to have my status as "dnd" to hav a lil peace n quiet??..umm..ok mayb that came out a lil harsher than expected..but then m really pissed at ppl like that..almost as pissed as i am with random "plis franship with me" ppl..not as much as pigeons of course..or gems..hehe..(n no this "no chat" policy of mine does not extend to the few ppl in my life who i wud very much like to spend the rest of my life chatting with if the opportunity shud so arise..so no ananya u dnt need to come crying into my room wen u read this..ur in wat iv termed "the safe zone"..hehe..as for the others in the zone..i trust u knw who u r..or u cud come crying to my room for clarifications :P)

hmmm..so..moving on..updated my profile n lists on these two anime news(?) sites..actually browsed thru ets list n that set me off..(drat that guy fr giving me the list..that too on a sunday morning..made me waste too much time..everyone knws how i get wen i get my hands on a random anime browsing site!!..bt thankfully that got my mind off my damn "boyfriend"..wich i now remember again..dat darn et!!..pisses me off even wen hes not there)..anyway so i updated my lists too..cudnt blv the number of animes id watchd since waaaay back wen i had made the profiles..hehe..but its such a pain to add them all..thank god i cud export the list to the 2nd site..would have died if id actually had to do it over again..but basically i revisited all my old anime favs..watched a few old eps as well..felt soo nostalgic to watch "love hina"..had completely forgotten about good ol' "naru punch"..hehe..n "inuyasha" n "ouran" n all the others..oooohh n it felt soo nice afterwards..

okee now that i scroll up its actually become a reaallllyyyy long entry..n m still stuck on the "this n that" part n havnt even touched on the "dreams n lalala vids" yet..well to get on with it then..dreams..been having these totally realistic dreams lately..yes even more realistic than usual..n thats saying sumthg since most of the times m nt sure wethr wat i recall r real memories or frm sum dream i had sum nite..but these few dreams stand out..n i mean really stand out..n i guess this is wat actually prompted me to click on the lil "new blog" thingy in the first place..before i got sidetracked by my this's n thats..but then iv always been known to deviate..frm anythg..like id start with luking up a new anime title..n end up finishing this completely different anime..n dnt even get me started on deviations during conversations..see??..m doin it again..hehe..so now where was i??..hmm..yess..my dreams..woke up this evening with yet another amazing one..its weird how the best dreams iv had have always been wen i overslept..well rather not deviate onto a discussion on my wacky sleeping patterns now..so again it was a mix of here n kgp n previous "dream worlds"..annual day cum children's nite (again!)..dads office (2nd appearence)..rain (but of course)..the eden gardens circle in cal with wat looked like whitehall in it (m sure that will feature again in one of my other dreams later)..subho (shes a regular guest star now..hehe)..aro (probably a first..not counting the "everyone in class" dreams)..random faceless strangers (i probably knew who they were while in the dream bt right now hav no idea in hell)..something about alibis n sum plan..n a huge snake of anaconda proportions (n that was just totally random..dunno y i was even thinking that!)..well right now writing abt the dream it seems really idiotic..but blv me wen i say it was a gud one wen i was "in" it..thats all fr todays one..but the one i really wanted to write abt lest i forget abt it happened quite a few days back..sumtime last week i guess..one of those times wen i went to sleep in the evening after pulling an all-nighter the day b4..one of those just-crashed-into-bed-dead-to-the-world times..n wow wat a dream i had..better than even my well thought out ones..memory really fuzzy now tho..my grandmoms place (not the first time)..1st floor (now that almost *never* happens)..set in one of my dream worlds..probably part of world of my "picnic trip" dream..same green meadows around the house..slightly hilly..this time with some flowers sumver..but thats nt even close to the gud part..i kinda remm the first half of it being mayb a lil exciting or sumthg..like my usual ones..but wat i really remm really clearly starts frm wen i was in the house..upstairs..doing sum stuff on a table..papers..cards..something..n its getting dark outside..n guess who walks in???..et!!!..random or wat??..n he can apparantly teleport himself..yeah dunno y i knw that or y i even dreamt that..bt probably got sumthg to do with that almost blank first half of the dream..(for ppl who r unaware of my dreaming patterns..i get loads of these weird sci-fi dreams..or just downright crazy dreams where i have "powers"..n yeah m aware that freud wud have had a field day with me..hehe)..anyway so et lands up..with wat can only be termed as a sleeping bag..all nicely folded n in its cover of course..or it mite have been jst a small side-pillow (id rather keep thinkin of it as a sleeping bag..coz i really dnt think id b dreaming of et with pillows..not that m partial to him with sleeping bags either..but then..waaahhhh..just lemme get on with the dream!!)..but thats not really very important..wat was hilarious really was wat he did..apparantly he had been looking fr me all over (actually "everyone" was..since id disappeared after some "incident"..oh how i wish the first half was clearer)..so naturally i got all busy tidying up the table so we cud leave..but lo n behold!..wat does he do??..switch on the tv n put a movie in!!! (yeah now et n movies do go better than pillows rt??..hehe)..so apparantly he now wants to watch the movie..hehe..n it seems that i hav to comply!! (which m probably quite happy to anyway..cmon..papers on a table v/s movie..wich do u think wud win??)..so theres this divan there in front of the tv n m sitting on the floor with my back against it (yeah that used to be my fav pose wen we watched tv upstairs anyway)..so i have to look up slightly to see the screen..n where's et u might ask??..plonked on the table right in front of me..n he now apparantly wants to talk!!..well anyone who knws me evn a lil knows how i get wen sumone blocks my view..n i really dnt need much of a reason to b mad at him anyway rt??..suffice to say that i was emanating some decidedly murderous aura (picture it anime style!!)..n the next thing i knew i was plucked up n put on the divan so i cud watch properly again..wat happened later..well im again a bit fuzzy about it..i still distinctly remm feeling extremely confused with my mind on an eternal "eeeehhhhhhh????"..but i think i watched the movie..(actually y i dreamt up this whole sequence i hav no idea..coz it dusnt really seem to fit into the main dream..but wen i woke up the next day n recalled it i remm i laughed aloud fr 5 full minutes..tho now i have no idea y..dusnt seem all that funny in hindsite..just plain weird n very unnecessary actually)..next clear memory is of me fleeing the house for sum reason (again refer to the blank first half) n getting pulled into someones backyard thru a fence (u knw where one of the panels revolves sumhow n u can get in that way??)..n who do u think pulled me in n most likely saved me from watevr i was running frm??..n this was the best part of the whole dream..guess guess..nothing??..hehe..well il kill all the suspence then..yagami raito himself!!..yep..in all his kira-ness glory..hehe..n since its all AU, hes nt dead (yeah like duuhh!!..its *my* dream..like he'd die there), theres no annoying misa-misa n no freaky perpetually-on-a-sugar-high alphabet-ppl..well come to think of it..theres no ryuk either..or a death note..so probably no kira either..but never mind all that..its enough that raito's there n hes mine..actually m nt quite sure of that last bit coz mads had to find jst that moment to call me fr dinner, waking me up from raito-n-me-drowning-in-each-other's-eyes-goodness (ok mayb thats an overenthu exaggerated mushy fluff..but it cud happen..sumtime..hehe)..basically with that my dream flew away like a feather frm my hands (yes i jst watchd a ff8 amv..n squalls too hot fr his own gud!!)..i did manage to get back to bed within a few minutes but that moment was lost forever..no matter how hard i concentrated..how much i thought n thought n thought abt it..i just couldnt continue the dream..the rest of the night dreamt loads of mini dreams..even one about death note..n again upstairs in my grandmoms place..i was soo sure that i would be able to pick up where i left off..but nopes..turns out i just watched the whole l n raito getting soaked in rain part (the one jst b4 l's death)..but set in the terrace n the balcony of this place..even saw the whole drying off n foot massage part (now that jst screams yaoi!!)..disappointing to say the least..anyway by the time i realised that i was not gonna b able to go back to that dream n finally woke up it was aftee of the next day..n id slept for nearly 20 hours!!..needless to say woke up feeling all hung over (n guilty..fr missing classes..again..hehe)..but wat can i say..once m in one of my dreams reality takes a step backward..n i just plain luv my dreams far too much to come of out it soon..its like watching a movie while sleeping..n most of the times i watch dreams in "episodes" or get "sequels" to particularly gud dreams (fingers crossed fr this one!!)..which makes it seem even more like sum movie..n basically all of them make me feel really nice in the mornings (or wenever i get up actually..hehe) n kinda sad that m awake again..anyway id probably luv to keep on dreaming forever..like i think if i ever went into a coma n started dreaming..id probably never wanna cum back again..is that too demented or morbid??

anyhoo..iv really gotta end this now..probably the world's longest blog..ever..certainly bests all of my previous efforts..n its not even taken me that long..its just been one huge writing spree..hehe..anyway..so this is it..a dreamy (eternally!) highly anaemic (thanks to all my recent nosebleeds) completely crazy (now thats stale news by now i guess) blogger (now that actually sounds tame compared to wat came b4..but wat can i say..m too lazy n muddled to think up something clever..no wait! i did.."la la la"..hmmm..nopes..still too tame..*sigh*) signing off now to get back to her dreams..

jaa ne!!

ps: totally forgot about the la la la vid part..guess thats saved for next time then..this is just waay too long fr me to squeeze that in as well..n theres an "add video" option to blogs too (just noticed!)..so il probably attach the vid itself next time round..once i actually manage to save it that is!! :)